Due Dates

As the due date for Samira approaches my heart is heavy and I am so sad! I keep thinking would she have been early or late. What time of day would she come. I also think about having her here. The other day I went through the nursery as we also have been using it for a guest bedroom. I put a few things away and could not help but was thinking, what am I doing, I should be putting the finishing touches on the nursery not putting things away. I had a quiet momment by myself and sat a cried. I know everything is in God's hands and there was a plan and reason for her passing but sometimes it is hard to understand and wrap my head around. I am so thankful for my support group, MEND. I have learned that what I feel is normal and there are lots of people going through so much! On a happy note my cousin went into have her baby boy Maxumis Robert today, so we are waiting to hear when he is born and one other friend announced she was pregnant. GOd is good!!

Pictures of our sweet baby girl

After going to my first support group meeting I have come to terms with sharing pictures of Samira. I am proud to call her my daughter and want to show the world. Mommy and Daddy love you sweet baby girl!

Samira's Story

After losing Skylar I knew that I wanted to try and have another child. I just did not want to feel like I was replacing Skylar. We were told by Dr. Guinn that we could start trying after my first normal menstrual cycle. We started trying in October of 2010 and were not successful. Then in Novermber of  2010 we found out we were expecting again!! We were excited and scared at the same time. We went in to see Dr. Guinn and she did an ultrasound to confirm. I instantly seen that her little heart flickering on the screen. Dr. Guinn said it most likely started beating within a few hours of our visit. I left on cloud nine. Everything seem to be going perfectly normal. I then had my normal blood work at 9 weeks and found out that my progesterone levels were a bit low. I was then put on medication to raise and level out the levels. Even though this medication made me feel a bit sick at night when I took it I knew I had to in order to keep my baby safe. We also had another ultrasound at about 9.5 weeks because I was having a bit of pain in my lower belly. I wanted to make sure that everything was still ok because of losing Skylar. At 12 weeks I heard the most amazing sound a mother and father can hear, your baby's heart beat. We were told that it was 160 bpm. Again we left on cloud nine, knowing that we made it to 12 weeks. This is usually the week that the rate of miscarriage drops to 1%. My pregnancy continued to be great. At about 16 weeks I felt the baby move for the first time. I was a little confused if it was just gas or really the baby. But it would happen in the same place and time everyday. I would lye on the couch and look at Santosh and say oh the baby is moving!!  At 18 weeks I was at work, I was working as a Nanny for a wonderful family and has just put the kids down for their nap. I started to eat lunch and felt the need to use the bathroom. I was constipated and all of a sudden there was a a pop and a gush. I thought immediately that I lost the baby. There was blood. I called my boss and she came straight home and I also called Santosh who rushed over to get me to take me to the hospital. I put a pad on and noticed a lot of fluid, I was  not sure if it was my water or not. I called my Mom and told her that it didn't feel like the last miscarriage I had, I was in no pain and there was not a lot of bleeding, we had no idea what was going on. We got to labor and delivery and the sent me the Emergency Room because I was not 20 weeks yet. The doctor ordered blood work. That was about the worse experience I have ever had with drawing my blood and putting in an IV. The doctor had put SAT on the orders so the lady that was drawing had to do it as soon as possible. I do not have good veins and it is always a challenge. she eneded putting the IV in the inside of wrist, it was so painful!! I then went for my ultrasound. It was just me and the teach as Santosh was not allowed to go with me. The teach started and I could just see the side of the screen as I could not see the baby. I did see that she was trying to listen to the heart beat and there was nothing to be heard. She adjusted and I heard it. I started crying instantly and she rubbed my leg.. She said she couldn't say much about it. She did say that the baby was reassuming 17 weeks and 5 days, right on schedule. I felt so relieved. when we got back to the room I stood right in Santosh's face and Said I HEART IT! He said you heart the heart beat, and I said YES!! We both had huge smiles on our faces. The doctor came in and said that there was very little fluid around the baby and that my water had broke. He was admitting me to the hospital and that I would see Dr. Guinn in the morning. I asked what was next, what do you have to do, will I have to deliver, will the baby make it. He said it was not his specialty and that I would have to wait and talk to my Dr. We were brought to our room and went through all the admitting. The nurses were all very nice. She said that I would be on bed rest and would not be able to sit up straight and could only get up to use the bathroom. It seemed like FOEVER before we were able to see our Dr. and get some answers. She came and said that my water had indeed broke and there was little to no fluid around that baby. She said that I had a 52% chance of delivering within a week and I could stay at the hospital and try to regain fluid or I could go home and see what happens. I wanted to stay and do everything I could to save my baby. We held onto the thought of having a 48% chance of that baby making it. We had several milstones that we needed to get to. The first one was 48 hours, then 1 week, than 24, and finally 32 weeks. She said that if I held out to 32 weeks that they would deliver then. She also said that I would be in the hospital until I delivered on bed rest. I spoke to my mom and asked her to come and stay with us for awhile. I wanted to take some pressure off of Santosh who had to go to work. But at the same time I didnt want to be alone in the event that something happened while he was gone. My mom came on Saturday. That night Santosh went home to try and get a better night's sleep as my Mom stayed with me. That Sunday morning I did not feel well, my breakfast did not see good to me and make me nauseous. I felt so tired and just thought that everything was catching up to me. My Mom went for a walk about 1030am while I tried to nap. I got up to use the bathroom and when I was returning to my bed I felt something different between my legs. I called the nurse and she checked me and said it was the baby's cord. She immediately called Labor and Delivery and Dr. Guinn. I called Santosh and told him to come as soon as possible.  They checked me and did not see the cord. I had extreme pressure and a fullness. They had check the heart beat that morning about 830am and it was 159 BPM. That was the best par of my day is when I got to hear the heart beat twice a day! This time Angela, my nurse, could not find it and just figured that the baby was not in a good position. We waited for Dr. Guinn to come and when she arrived she did an ultrasound and determined that the baby had moved into the birth canal. I was sent to Labor and Delivery and was given a medication to start contractions. I had to deliver the baby, we lost our baby!! We called our good friends Chris and Traci and them came up to be with us. We prayed and they spoke words of wisdom to us. The first four hours I didnt feel the contractions hard and they were coming about 2 minutes apart and then suddenly stopped. I was given another dose of medicine. 30 minutes later the contractions were very hard and I felt the urge to push. I was so scared. I knew that if I pushed then it would be the end, our baby would officially be gone. At 846pm I delivered our beautiful baby girl Samira SueAnn. Everything about her was perfect. Her little hands and feet, finger and toe nails. She weighted  6.8 ounces and was 10.8 inches long. She had her daddy's eyes and ears, and her mommy's nose. She also had her daddy's dark completion. They took her foot prints and then handed her to me. My heart melted as I held her and just sat and admired her. This was my baby girl. The nurse took pictures and had them printed for us. My mom and Santosh also held her. It was the most amazing sight to see your husband holding and admiring his daughter. I then saw him in a different light. We were parents. We hold and looked at every inch of Samira. I did not want to let her go. I was then moved back to a regular room and we took her with us. At about 1230am While Santosh and laid together with our daughter, he looked at me and said she looks at peace I think it is time to call the nurse. I said ok but my heart was broken into a million pieces. I did not want to let her go. I did not want to go home empty handed. But i knew I had to. That night I hardly slept, I just laid there and cried, trying not to wait up my Mom and Santosh as they both stayed with me. Mommy and Daddy love and miss you everyday Samira! We know that we will see one day!

Education is key!!